Every time I see butterflies I think of You
Jeanne Marie http://womenwhothinktoomuch.wordpress.com
my yard is full of flutter byes
that is what Alex used to call them which
she doesn't think is funny now! OH well.
Every time I see butterflies I think of You
Jeanne Marie I think you are the
butterfly whisperer! shhhhhhhhh!
Review by Michael:
Just finished reading your book, Women Who Think Too Much.
Structurally, I found the book spot on. That’s a compliment to both your writing and your editors. The reading flowed very smoothly.
Content-wise, it was incredibly poignant.
It was heart wrenching to think you went through all that, and to think so many others live like that. I truly was not aware of the intricacies of what goes on behind closed doors in those types of relationships.
I confess that I know of no woman in my circle of friends who lives in those conditions today. I’m not sure if that’s a credit to my choice in friends or the strength and kindness of the people I know.
However, a long time ago (my senior year in high school), I dated a young lady fresh out of a bad relationship that, I can only guess (through rumors at the time), was a lot like what she described.
We dated for almost a year when she abruptly broke it off. After repeatedly asking her why, she reluctantly told me she was going back to her previous boyfriend. From what I knew of her old relationship with this guy, I knew it was very abusive.
I chanced upon her several months after our breakup. When I approached her, she was trying to conceal her black eye behind dark sunglasses. But she assured me she was doing fine.
Years later we met again. She had finally called it quits with him, but not before having two of his children.
So, in an indirect and very personal way, I was exposed to codependency and its abuse.
It truly breaks my heart to hear of situations like this, what you write about. It’s horrific. But I know there are men out there who behave like that. And the cost to women (and the children) is incalculable.
I will never understand how we humans can be so cruel to one another.
You have done a great job with this book. It’s a needed eye-opener, I guess not only just for women, but certainly (and especially) for us men as well.
Jeanne Marie —
You are an incredibly strong woman. I know the past was difficult, hard, unbearable and about twenty other adjectives, but that’s your past now. You’re in a much better place today.
Thank you for opening my eyes to this subject. And for inviting me into your life, if just from a spectator’s seat.
Ex Animo http://theiamblog.wordpress.com/
Review From Anonymous Survivor: Jeanne, just finished your book. Wow. I lived that life for too many years. I’m still processing what it felt like to go back in time with the words you wrote. I have tried to track my tormentor/ex-husband for all these years and never found him. I have always looked over my shoulder, afraid he would find me first. About a month ago I found his obituary. I never thought I could be relieved by a person’s death. I was, and am. I hope your book acts as a reality check and motivator for women in the thick of codependency. I think this is a much needed book. Should be in every women’s shelter across the country.
Review By S K Nicholls:
This month is National Domestic Violence Awareness month and I am reading a few books this month that focus on this troubling issue in different ways. Today I am giving a book review on one of these.
Jeanne Marie taunts her book as “A No Help At All Handbook” and it is with this degree of sarcasm that she presents her case. Domestic violence is a very serious issue affecting more people in America than the statistics can begin to show. Jeanne Marie does an excellent job aiding women to identify themselves as being in a dysfunctional relationship and what to do (or not to do) about it with her “Twelve Slips”, a spoof off of the Twelve Steps programs. While the small book with big ideas uses a rather comical approach to getting women to loosen up and look seriously at their own behaviors, as well as the behaviors of others, the highly qualified author also emphasizes the importance of recognizing where you may be going wrong and where you can go right. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who even suspects that they might be in a dysfunctional relationship. Even if you are not, you will be entertained, and maybe learn something you can use to help another individual less fortunate. It is both moving and inspirational. It is a brief book, an easy read, and quite affordable as it is FREE right now at smashwords. Download and read a copy today. This is easily a five star book. I’ll make it real simple for you: Click right here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/287988
S K Nicholls http://redclayandroses1.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/book-review-women-who-think-too-much-by-jeanne-marie/comment-page-1/#comment-1983
Review by Ishaiya
Wonderful! Downloaded. Thank you, Jeanne-Marie. I love your writing style, it’s beautifully poetic, thought inspiring and moving. You have a wonderful sense of humor too! I shall be sure to spread the word. Have a great week!
Review By Eleanor:
This book throws a funny bone at the heart of dysfunctional relationships and hits you right between the eyes.
Dark humor drives this soul-bearing and sobering narrative, but Jeanne Marie lets it fly without losing the gravity of her subject. Beneath the often laugh-out-loud comedy, Marie’s honesty and vulnerability entice you to notice jarringly familiar experiences that exist in your own life. Her words echo unforgettably, resonating into your everyday life, making it impossible to ignore the empowering mirror she has created for anyone who has ever been… is currently… or wants to be… in a relationship.
It amazes me that such a short and fun book is powerful enough to change your life. A must-read for everyone, particularly women and teens!
Review By Maggie Thom:
“Wow. I don’t know where to even start with this but I can tell you that although it is a tough read, it is a must. Women Who Think Too Much is raw and will punch you in the solar plexus. When I started reading it, no I hadn’t read the blurb about it, I thought it was going to talk about how women are so hard on themselves. Which it did, sort of but it’s really one woman’s journey through co-dependency and abuse and her wish to wake up other women who might be living this kind of life or headed for it.
Jeanne Marie shares her journey through co-dependency and abuse but she does it in a unique way, she calls it the 12 slip step to co-dependency, where she uses dark humor for a dark subject. I think that if she’d just shared her journey, I would have felt awful for her but I don’t think I’d have looked at my life quite so closely. It’s interesting because she talks a lot about all the ways and things she did to avoid looking at her own life for a long time. I think it is brilliantly written. It’s only about sixty pages but it is by no means a quick read.
Try catching your breath after you’ve read it because you won’t while you’re reading it. It’s the elephant in the room that no one talks about, no one shares. I guarantee this book will wake you up like none other. Or at least it should.”
Maggie Thom’s Books! https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=maggie+thom
“Those damn rose-colored glasses can create such a shady false light that we don’t even recognize the blindfold covering the eyes on the image staring back at us in the mirror. Your book, Women Who Think Too Much, shines a bright light of humor on serious issues. In all that laughter is the courage to put fear where it belongs. Instead of staying afraid to take off the rose-colored glasses, the impulse to keep them on becomes terrifying. (Your mom’s poem is evidence that her sense of humor was a guiding force to a way out of the dysfunctional cycle.)
I’ve read your book…more than once. Instead of congratulatory gratitude (which you absolutely deserve), Jeanne Marie, I give you a big, brave and hearty HEE HA HA YEEHAH! as I stomp my own pair of rose-colored glasses.”
http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/19456464/ Artist and Publisher of the Wildersoul Colouring Book wrote:
“I like the ‘how not to’ approach, which has a humorous angle, and yet it touches so very deeply.”
Re-blogged on Mm172001′s Blog http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/13831966/
She wrote: “Already downloaded the book and read it! It’s a great read, informative with humor. Highly recommend it and best part it’s only $1.99!
To Jeanne Marie, “I thought it was great. It took a topic that has been traditionally addressed as you are doing this wrong and this and this and you need to do this. The form in which you wrote your book gave most of the same information but in a humorous way that is less authoritarian but still has the insight.”
Review by: Joyce on April 25, 2013 : FIVE STAR
A must-read for women with Borderline Personality Disorder. Many of us have co-dependency issues. Maybe you can recognize yourself in this book and get the help you need. If you have no sense of your own identity, you need to find out who you are. Jeanne Marie helps you become aware, through her humor, what you’re lacking to become your own person, worthy of not needing someone who controls you.
Review by: Richard on Feb. 23, 2013 : FIVE STAR
I had bought this book for my fiancée, but we ended up reading it together. I really enjoyed it, I laughed out loud.. a lot. Winced in pain like when you hit your knee a few times, I mean I am a man and I am guilty of a lot of the same things in this book…like this one “Classic”!
“Why are the lights on in here? Do you want me to shut them off for you?
Why aren’t there any lights on in here? It’s so dark in here.”
All in all, I just wanted to say it was good to see how a man’s behavior can affect a woman, and after reading this book, I think I can try a little harder to be more considerate.
Review by: Dan on Feb. 23, 2013 FIVE STAR
Take your time when you read through this…then read it again.
A fan of cinema verite? Good thing. Hang on. Jeanne Marie compels you to look in to the mirror and ask yourself if you recognize this wounded gender.
This is not simply a woman’s cautionary tale.
Pull your son away from “Call of Duty”, put a porn blocker on his computer and force him to listen to her story.
Review by: Cherie on Feb 22, 2013 : FIVE STAR
A must read for women of all ages…timely and also timeless lessons for women from every walk of life..it will touch you in ways that you never dreamed of and may even (hopefully) alter the course of your life..and ladies..it’s NEVER too late!
Review by: Jerry on Feb. 21, 2013 : FIVE STARThis book was excellent. It Really opens your eyes and makes you look at your own relationships. Helped me a lot..
What is my definition of feminine codependency?
Codependent is what women become when we take care of everyone but ourselves.
We allow men to tell us who we are, what we are and how we feel.
We dump our individuality and we cease to exist beyond what we mean to him.
We put our lives on hold while we wait for him to be happy, so we can be happy.
We don’t ask for what we need.
We simply hope that our man knows what we need and when it appears that a man we love delivers what we need and he knows what is best for us, we grab on to the life preserver his outstretched hands offer, and we never, ever let go.
When the life preserver turns into an anchor that is pulling us under, we blame ourselves and we become emotional contortionists, twisting and turning ourselves inside out to regain the initial security of being loved, soul starving for the emotional warmth of being wanted, hungry for his heat, aching for the fire we filled our emptiness with when the relationship began.
We wait and we wait for the fire’s return. We have become so accustomed to not having our needs fulfilled that living in a state of icy despair, wandering about our lives with piercing pain, leaking perpetual tears and wrestling mind-numbing confusion, well it’s comfortable, familiar. Normal.
The tease of love we got from him in the beginning is enough to keep us hoping, holding on forever.
We attempt to hold other people up, especially our children, even when they don’t want our help, even when they run away from us to avoid our help. Guilt is our blanket and tears are our face cream.
We don’t have healthy emotional boundaries and we have ambiguous social skills. Helpless in the midst of abuse as children, we tend to overcompensate as adults by trying to control our little-girl fears and recoup our losses through controlling our environment and managing our loved ones.
We try to do our childhood over and make it come out right this time, but since we gravitate toward people similar to our childhood role models, we set ourselves up for treacherous relationships, intense emotional pain and self-destructive lifestyles.
Out of all the things that can make your life hard, the things that people say can be the hardest. The funny thing is that they come from those closest to you. It makes you lose faith in humanity that it comes from them. Like, if those close to you hurt you like that, who needs people?
And you want to say people, please, for the love of God and peace and love and cute little pink ass bunnies, STOP.
How could one woman touch so many lives? Mom, we all remember you in different ways and for who you were to each of us. Mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, cousin, aunt and friend. I know your three daughters miss you the most because I am one of the three. Your middle daughter, Jeanne Marie, the baby for seven years until Susanne Louise, your last baby, was born. I should have resented her but; somehow, I never did. It was like getting my very own live baby doll and I cherished her. And Cherie Anne, seven years older than me, she cherished me and Susanne equally and now she tries to fill your shoes and she babies her little sisters, middle-aged little girls who want their mama, even though she misses you too.
I talked to my grand-daughter Rachel about you today and Mom, we were wondering, how your could presence have been so strong that we all feel lost without you?
Was it the way you taught us to be a lady in public, at least in front of you? Was it your always open door and open arms? Was it the way you were always there for each of us, ready to listen, never to judge? Was it your crepes, your pot roast, your home-made jams and pickles? What quality endeared you to us, made you irreplaceable? Why is it that not a day goes by that I don’t miss you; still, after nearly four years?
I have the questions, Mom, but I don’t have the answers. I would give anything for just one more hug, for one more of your smiles, to wake up in your bed as you held the world at bay. Did you know that you did that for me Mom? That I always left the world outside when I went home and walked in your door?
I didn’t have to be a wife, a mother or a grandmother, for just a while, all I needed to be was your daughter.
I want to smell Spam and fried potatoes burning in your cast iron skillet just once more, I want to watch your face light up with love when I walk in your door, just once more.
Every time I left you to fly back home, I walked backwards out your door, trying to take every smile with me, knowing it could be the last smile you gave me, but somehow I still wasn’t ready when you left this world.
Even now, I feel your arms around me when I cry Mom; the memories of your hugs are so strong.
I told Cherie that I hated Christmas because I miss you and she said you would be so mad that I hated Christmas. I know that’s true because you taught us to love Christmas and not for the gifts, God knows Dad kept us short on those, but for the traditions, the holiday cooking, the baking (especially your huge batches of Italian cookies) for the family you loved to gather around our table.
I know if you could visit me, you would, so I hope I’ll see you as I go through each day and I watch for signs that you are still near.
When I see a butterfly, I chase it, calling out, “Mom, is that you?” When a dragonfly allowed me to pick it up and hold it in my hand, before it flew away, Rachel and I both asked it, “Is that you Nana?”
I smell the wind for traces of Oil of Olay. I still pick up the phone to call you, only to set it back down, in tears. I still get excited when I see things that you love on sale. I pick them up for your Christmas stocking, only to set them back down, in tears.
All you ever wanted for your girls, your ‘beautiful daughters’ was for them to find happiness. So why do I cry every time I think of you?
Ok, Mom. I put up a small fiber optic tree and Cherie sent me the butterflies that cover it now. It’s your tree Mom.
Remember the year when I sent you the six foot fiber optic tree? You loved it so much that you sat for hours, just watching the colors change and glow. I’m going to celebrate Christmas this year and even though I do miss you so much, I’m gonna be a big girl.
Just one more thing, Mom. I want to thank you for giving us Cherie because she too is a woman who touches the lives of every person she meets and her influence, love and support are every bit as strong as yours, so although I miss you every day, I thank God and I thank you, for giving us Cherie.
Love, Jeanne Marie